post no. 150 -- Untitled

When I was 4, I was determined to be a screenwriter. When I was 8, I wanted to be a doctor like my sister. When I was 13, I wanted to be a history teacher, and when I was in 8th grade I decided on architecture.

I was resolute, there were no other choices in my mind. I drew, I was decent at math, and I came from a family of designers and architects. I continued on with high school, landed a job at a respectable structural engineering firm, and went about my business with college.

Then came Hawaii. We moved, months passed, no jobs. Sometimes barely even a follow up "we hate you" e-mail. I started to get discouraged, and that's when wedding planning came into being. Not because of passion or calling, but because of availability. I thought, "hey this is doable, and it's relatively fun, why not?". But no one should ever go into something with the words why and not in the same sentence.

Now don't get me wrong. I love weddings. I love making peoples days spectacular. But a wedding, is just a day. A house, a building, a design will last you a lifetime. I guess what I'm saying is, wedding planning was like the rebound after I got my heart broken.

Architecture, in many a ways, is like an ex-girlfriend (or in my case a boyfriend). Here's why:


AT FIRST EVERYTHING IS GREAT.
YOU’RE IN LOVE.
YOU FEEL IMPORTANT.
YOU FEEL APART OF SOMETHING.
YOU GO ON OUTTINGS TOGETHER, AND YOU EVEN START GIVING YOUR OTHER FRIENDS ADVICE ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIPS.
YOU’RE BRINGING EVERYONE AROUND HER, SHOWING HER OFF TO THE GUYS, AND LETTING EVERYONE KNOW HOW COMMITTED YOU REALLY ARE…
YOU THINK THINGS ARE GOING GREAT… REALLY.

YOU START PLANNING YOUR LIFE TOGETHER.
 YOU CAN REALLY START TO SEE HER A PART OF THE 5 YEAR PLAN.
THINGS GET SERIOUS.
YOU’RE SPENDING EVERY NIGHT AT HER PLACE SO YOU THINK WELL WHY NOT TAKE THAT NEXT STEP.
YOU MOVE IN.
FROM THERE THINGS START TO GO DOWN HILL.

YOU REALIZE SHE’S CRAZY.
YOU’RE WORKING LIKE NO OTHER TO HOLD IT TOGETHER, BUT THINGS KEEP FALLING APART...
YOU’RE SPENDING THE NIGHT IN HER STUDIO.
YOU’RE SLEEPING ON SOME COUCH YOU FOUND IN A BACK ALLEY.
YOU’RE MIXING UP SUPER GLUE WITH YOUR CONTACT SOLUTION.
IT’S STARTING TO GET UGLY.
SO YOU BREAK IT OFF.
YOU PACK UP YOUR STUFF AND YOU MOVE OUT.
SOMEONE ELSE WILL COME ALONG THAT MAKES YOU FEEL SPECIAL, RIGHT?

MONTHS GO BY SINCE YOU CALLED IT OFF.
BUT SHE’S STILL CALLING YOU.
SHE’S LEAVING MESSAGES ON YOUR VOICE MAIL AND STALKING YOUR FACEBOOK
AND SHE HAD THE BALLS TO INVITE YOU TO MORE FIELD TRIPS.
THE MORE YOU TRY TO GET AWAY THE MORE SHE KEEPS CREAPING IN.

THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN SHE SHOWS UP AT A FAMILY PARTY.
AFTER ALL SHE WAS YOUR DAD’S FAVORITE..
YOU TALK.
NOT BECAUSE YOU WANT TO,
BUT BECAUSE YOU THINK ITS ONLY POLITE.
YOU FEEL IT LIKE A KNOT IN YOUR STOMACH.
DO YOU STILL LIKE HER?
NO!?!
DO YOU STILL LOVE HER?
SHE’S CRAZY!

YOU THINK OF THE SLEEPLESS NIGHTS, HOW SHE RIPPED YOUR SELF ESTEEM TO SHREDS, THE FALSE SENSE OF SECURITY, HOW SHE DASHED YOUR DREAMS OF A PERFECT WORLD,
BUT LOOK AT THAT DESIGN.

SHE’S CREEPING BACK INTO YOUR LIFE
YOU’RE QUESTIONING WHY YOU CALLED IT QUITS, WHY YOU LET HER GO

BECAUSE SHE’S CRAZY!

YOU FAIL TO REALIZE THAT NOW
YOU KNOW YOU’LL END UP WASHED UP DESIGNING TOILETS BUT YOU DON’T CARE.
YOU KNOW THAT YOU’LL END UP WITH FAILED RALTIONSHIPS, BUT THAT DOESN'T SEEM TO MATTER.
YOU REMEMBER THE PROMISE AND IT DRAWS YOU IN

BECAUSE THROUGH IT ALL, 
YOU'RE THE ONE THAT'S REALLY CRAZY.  

I'm re-enrolling in the Architecture program at UH in the fall... here's to being crazy.

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