post no. 269 -- your plane just crashed, hard.

you know those days? those days when everything goes right... well yesterday wasn't one of them. sure, at first things seemed cheery. work, a breeze. paying bills at the bank, shorter than the average wait time. driving home, no middle finger necessary. and to my surprise, the house wasn't even completely destroyed when i got home. but after losing sleep the last couple of nights without kris home, a nap was in order.

so i waddled blanket over shoulder into my bedroom and plopped on the mattress, just to have jack decide play time is in order. now for those of you out there that have huge dogs with long nails, and a ton of energy, you might be able to  sympathize with what happened next. she jumped on my stomach, smacked me in the face, and drug her claws along my arm in attempts to free up her chew toy (formerly known as my hand).after about twenty "jack!"s "get down!"s "settle!"s and "f*** off!"s, i proceeded to have a meltdown. and this meltdown, was bad. flailing like a four year old for having to leave chuck e cheese bad. 

truthfully, half the time this sort of thing happens (yes, it's happened more than once) all i am left with afterwards is this feeling of failure. failure for not training the dog correctly, failure for acting like a little kid having their first tantrum, failure for not being able to hold the world together despite the cracks that come up. but i'm not,.

you're a failure only if you give up. and i'm not done yet. not even close.  

yes, i have meltdowns. yeah, i can't hold everything together all the time. sometimes i can barely scrape by with half the time. i have tantrums, sob at the computer, and write emotionally unstable e-mails to my husband (because  nine times out of ten him not being here, leads to the breakdowns). but in the end, after a box full of tissues has been piled on my desk, after i've sat down with the dog to make my amends, and after i've sent the "never mind, i'm a hot mess" e-mails to buzz, i come to the conclusion i'm doing alright. 


  1. I think you just described my life, down to the dog with the long toenails!

    Sometimes during my meltdowns I'll text my boyfriend 3493579 times and then when it's over and he hasn't responded I just ask him to delete them without looking.

    Hang in there.

  2. I think we all have crash and burn meltdown moments, but then as women we're able to pick ourselves back up, suck it up and move on. You're definitely a stronger person than I being able to deal with Kris gone so often. But just remember he always comes back and how exciting that time is! xoxox


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